Announcement: Don't look at the tags of The Haunted Radiator if you want the surprise ending intact.
Addendum to announcement: Alfred Hitchcock would have announced that announcement a lot better. So would William Castle, or really anyone with more of a sense of showmanship. I just throw the steak on a garbage plate and douse a Dixie Cup in A1 Sauce.
Showing posts with label Vampires. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Vampires. Show all posts
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Vampire Week: The Last Diurnals
Last day of vampires: after this, you don't have to go home to a coffin, but you can't stay here.
Or you can, since next week is seven ghost stories in a row. And i have to think that eventually we'll do more vampire stories. But most of our stories, actually are not supernatural. There's a great convenience in using supernatural elements, especially already-established elements. (No need to waste sentences explaining the rules of vampires: sunlight, garlic, wooden stakes, preference for early Smiths albums, et cetera.)
But the idea is we bait and then switch you over the course of a few months, from straight-up supernatural horror to more realistic horror. Realistic meaning It Could Happen to You, but, uh, not in the way lotto companies mean it.
We end the week with a big, big BIG story in a teensy amount of space. Sean and I realized we had to end the week with this one, because anything vampiry after this would seem anticlimactic. Michael-Bay-planning-his-own-funeral big. It's called The Last Diurnals, and in immediate retrospect it'll be a disappointment after this sell. But listen anyway, and leave the fire behind, swim out past the breakers, and watch the world die.
Or you can, since next week is seven ghost stories in a row. And i have to think that eventually we'll do more vampire stories. But most of our stories, actually are not supernatural. There's a great convenience in using supernatural elements, especially already-established elements. (No need to waste sentences explaining the rules of vampires: sunlight, garlic, wooden stakes, preference for early Smiths albums, et cetera.)
But the idea is we bait and then switch you over the course of a few months, from straight-up supernatural horror to more realistic horror. Realistic meaning It Could Happen to You, but, uh, not in the way lotto companies mean it.
We end the week with a big, big BIG story in a teensy amount of space. Sean and I realized we had to end the week with this one, because anything vampiry after this would seem anticlimactic. Michael-Bay-planning-his-own-funeral big. It's called The Last Diurnals, and in immediate retrospect it'll be a disappointment after this sell. But listen anyway, and leave the fire behind, swim out past the breakers, and watch the world die.
Friday, July 27, 2007
Vampire Week: Manny's Mirror Trick
Today...is the first post...of the rest...of my life.
My normal life, that is. My normal life that consists of never using the computer at home on weekdays. I get enough of that at work. Home is time for non-computer activities, for the most part. But this past week I've ventured into the Sunless Room (My house has a sun room, but the previous owners drywalled up the windows: hence the portmanteau of a name) every evening for a few minutes to clatter one of these posts out.
I can do the clattering anywhere there's a computer. But I'm also attaching MP3 files, which means I have to have access to those files, which of course means using the computer at home. (And going back further, I have to have them recorded, and before recorded written, and before written thought up in the first place. And I guess I need fingers to write with, and parents to birth me, so we could bring this thing back to a great-grandmother's womb if need be.)
Long story short, a day ago I made the files for all week, and made saved posts with them all in there. So I can now go back from any computer and file these missives, which disturbingly are becoming longer than the stories they're ostensibly about, yet with no real content mentioned.
So we'll mention some of the content now, before the tippy-top of the end. Sean wrote it, it's called Manny's Mirror Trick, and listeners trying to guess the twist might find a clue in the title.
My normal life, that is. My normal life that consists of never using the computer at home on weekdays. I get enough of that at work. Home is time for non-computer activities, for the most part. But this past week I've ventured into the Sunless Room (My house has a sun room, but the previous owners drywalled up the windows: hence the portmanteau of a name) every evening for a few minutes to clatter one of these posts out.
I can do the clattering anywhere there's a computer. But I'm also attaching MP3 files, which means I have to have access to those files, which of course means using the computer at home. (And going back further, I have to have them recorded, and before recorded written, and before written thought up in the first place. And I guess I need fingers to write with, and parents to birth me, so we could bring this thing back to a great-grandmother's womb if need be.)
Long story short, a day ago I made the files for all week, and made saved posts with them all in there. So I can now go back from any computer and file these missives, which disturbingly are becoming longer than the stories they're ostensibly about, yet with no real content mentioned.
So we'll mention some of the content now, before the tippy-top of the end. Sean wrote it, it's called Manny's Mirror Trick, and listeners trying to guess the twist might find a clue in the title.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Vampire Week: Burning Daylight
I started writing these little horror stories -- variously called paragraphers, microfiction, microhorror, daily scares, what have you -- thinking they would work as a calendar. One of those page-a-day calendars. It had to be easier to get a calendar published than a book, right?
The fact that as of yet there is no Daily Scares page-a-day calendar in stores is the answer to that question. There are only a few calendar publishers, versus many, many small-press publishers. So it might be a better idea to collect these in a book and call that 365 Daily Scares. Despite the fact that, y'know, you can't tear a page out of a book every day without being a feces-caked savage subsisting of one's own lice. Don't treat books like that.
(Shameful truth: I have wanted to do exactly that to books, in fact. I even have the particular book in mind: a mass-market paperback of Norman Mailer's Harlot's Ghost. Whenever I finish reading an even-numbered page, I tear it out, ball it up, and flick it like a booger. People would look at me on the train, cross themselves, and wonder "Who's that guy? He's dangerous!" Yes. Yes I am. Watch me rend, fold, and mutilate!)
Until that fantasy-fulfilling day (well, month: Harlot's Ghost is 1300 meaty pages), there's these Daily Scares to listen to. Feel free to download them and then mouse then to the trash in however cruel a way as you can manage. Sean wrote it, as will become apparent over the weeks, since it contains caves. Sean's big into caves. The way dolphins are into salt water.
Zee link: Burning Daylight. Merci et beaucoup merci. Au revior.
The fact that as of yet there is no Daily Scares page-a-day calendar in stores is the answer to that question. There are only a few calendar publishers, versus many, many small-press publishers. So it might be a better idea to collect these in a book and call that 365 Daily Scares. Despite the fact that, y'know, you can't tear a page out of a book every day without being a feces-caked savage subsisting of one's own lice. Don't treat books like that.
(Shameful truth: I have wanted to do exactly that to books, in fact. I even have the particular book in mind: a mass-market paperback of Norman Mailer's Harlot's Ghost. Whenever I finish reading an even-numbered page, I tear it out, ball it up, and flick it like a booger. People would look at me on the train, cross themselves, and wonder "Who's that guy? He's dangerous!" Yes. Yes I am. Watch me rend, fold, and mutilate!)
Until that fantasy-fulfilling day (well, month: Harlot's Ghost is 1300 meaty pages), there's these Daily Scares to listen to. Feel free to download them and then mouse then to the trash in however cruel a way as you can manage. Sean wrote it, as will become apparent over the weeks, since it contains caves. Sean's big into caves. The way dolphins are into salt water.
Zee link: Burning Daylight. Merci et beaucoup merci. Au revior.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Vampire Week: Dress Up as What You Fear
When Sean starts posting, I realize he'll probably have to pick a different font color. We had me in orange and him in white. White against our dark gray (grAy in America, grEy in England: your mnemonic of the day) background is fine, but white against the white of people's emails is awful.
Charitably, maybe one could read it as a gigantic spoiler that has to be moused over by the brave. Or that the choice is actually part of a metatextual game -- start looking for references to bees and the Hanso Corporation! Or that we're just fairly new to this wheelhouse (the Forte Bailiwick: our specialty is what we're good at) and made a mistake. Either way, Expect Sean to pick a non-white color so his words will magically not-disappear.
Today's story is one of mine, called Dress Up as What You Fear. You ever wondered what vampires do for Halloween?
Charitably, maybe one could read it as a gigantic spoiler that has to be moused over by the brave. Or that the choice is actually part of a metatextual game -- start looking for references to bees and the Hanso Corporation! Or that we're just fairly new to this wheelhouse (the Forte Bailiwick: our specialty is what we're good at) and made a mistake. Either way, Expect Sean to pick a non-white color so his words will magically not-disappear.
Today's story is one of mine, called Dress Up as What You Fear. You ever wondered what vampires do for Halloween?
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Vampire Week: Haiym
Three posts in three days. Ooh, consistency! The hobgoblin living in my mind is lapping it up.
Sean and I are, as I'm been pounding home with words like a makeshift carpenter with a paperback instead of a hammer, really trying for consistency. Which means posting daily. Which can be a pain when you're simply trying to vent about the day you had, as with regular blogs. But as for coming up with new stories every day, even teensy ones, that's a serious commitment.
One that, without putting too fine a point on it, might lead to crap stories being thrown up for the sake of "Oh, for heaven's sweet sake, HERE!" desperation. How can we guarantee to ourselves--and you--that we won't be trotting out the farm-league stories, the summer-stock scares, the twist endings that wouldn't pass muster in an R. Kelly song?
The answer, and also the answer to how we're going to keep thing story engine going for years, is that we already did it. I started writing daily one-paragraph horror stories in late 2004. Sean filled in for me on weeks I was out on vacation, and then he took over when I needed a break. He's been going full-tilt as well. We each have HUNDREDS of stories already written.
That's why we're going with theme weeks as well. (This week, if you haven't been able to tell by the vampires in both previous stories and this one down below, is vampires. Next week is ghosts. And so on.) Instead of just picking stories at random from our collections, we're trying to create mini-anthologies, little sonic journeys. They may start out small -- one sad vampire in Canada, but they might end up apocalyptic. (Saturday's end-of-the-week story, Last of the Diurnals, sees the death of billions with every sentence.)
What should we go with after vamps and ghosts? Let us know at dailyscares@gmail.com. You want monster week? Zombie week? You want to challenge us with something like Chevy Nova week?
Today's story is one of Sean's called Hayim. Apologies to any Hebrew speakers for any pronunciation errors. The problems of speaking Yiddish...Well, no one who's Irish should complain. The language that decided that Shevonne would be spelled Siobain can't throw stones at any other tongues.
Sean and I are, as I'm been pounding home with words like a makeshift carpenter with a paperback instead of a hammer, really trying for consistency. Which means posting daily. Which can be a pain when you're simply trying to vent about the day you had, as with regular blogs. But as for coming up with new stories every day, even teensy ones, that's a serious commitment.
One that, without putting too fine a point on it, might lead to crap stories being thrown up for the sake of "Oh, for heaven's sweet sake, HERE!" desperation. How can we guarantee to ourselves--and you--that we won't be trotting out the farm-league stories, the summer-stock scares, the twist endings that wouldn't pass muster in an R. Kelly song?
The answer, and also the answer to how we're going to keep thing story engine going for years, is that we already did it. I started writing daily one-paragraph horror stories in late 2004. Sean filled in for me on weeks I was out on vacation, and then he took over when I needed a break. He's been going full-tilt as well. We each have HUNDREDS of stories already written.
That's why we're going with theme weeks as well. (This week, if you haven't been able to tell by the vampires in both previous stories and this one down below, is vampires. Next week is ghosts. And so on.) Instead of just picking stories at random from our collections, we're trying to create mini-anthologies, little sonic journeys. They may start out small -- one sad vampire in Canada, but they might end up apocalyptic. (Saturday's end-of-the-week story, Last of the Diurnals, sees the death of billions with every sentence.)
What should we go with after vamps and ghosts? Let us know at dailyscares@gmail.com. You want monster week? Zombie week? You want to challenge us with something like Chevy Nova week?
Today's story is one of Sean's called Hayim. Apologies to any Hebrew speakers for any pronunciation errors. The problems of speaking Yiddish...Well, no one who's Irish should complain. The language that decided that Shevonne would be spelled Siobain can't throw stones at any other tongues.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Vampire Week: The Cold Comfort of a Coffin
Back with more. Hey, two days and no ball-dropping so far.
We (that would be Sean and I -- I'll be posting in orange and Sean in white) wanted to launch this a few months ago, but were committed to do it right. Right, in this case, meaning actually daily. That has meant a fair amount of stuff we learned by doing it wrong, and I'm sure a couple of rough-on-our-but-ideally-not-you-the-listener weeks figuring out ways to write, record, and post a story that doesn't take the whole day. We do have lives.
And, what, these stories are a minute and a half long each? (Don't look for them to go much past that. These are microfiction pieces, a reduction sauce of spookiness. Nothing against long novelistic works, but one of these isn't even as long as a movie trailer.) Ideally we'll be able to crank one out in about fifteen minutes. It should take about eight seconds in a perfect world, since the end result is not much more than attaching a hotlink to a piece of text. This is antidilivian Web work.
But we've got an infinite amount of time, if the one-story-a-day-forever thing works out. We'll hold off explaining why we're not worried about rushing the quality of the stories until tomorrow.
Yesterday's story was by me: today is the first story by Sean, The Cold Comfort of a Coffin. More vampires tomorrow.
We (that would be Sean and I -- I'll be posting in orange and Sean in white) wanted to launch this a few months ago, but were committed to do it right. Right, in this case, meaning actually daily. That has meant a fair amount of stuff we learned by doing it wrong, and I'm sure a couple of rough-on-our-but-ideally-not-you-the-listener weeks figuring out ways to write, record, and post a story that doesn't take the whole day. We do have lives.
And, what, these stories are a minute and a half long each? (Don't look for them to go much past that. These are microfiction pieces, a reduction sauce of spookiness. Nothing against long novelistic works, but one of these isn't even as long as a movie trailer.) Ideally we'll be able to crank one out in about fifteen minutes. It should take about eight seconds in a perfect world, since the end result is not much more than attaching a hotlink to a piece of text. This is antidilivian Web work.
But we've got an infinite amount of time, if the one-story-a-day-forever thing works out. We'll hold off explaining why we're not worried about rushing the quality of the stories until tomorrow.
Yesterday's story was by me: today is the first story by Sean, The Cold Comfort of a Coffin. More vampires tomorrow.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Vampire Week: Sneaking a Butt
Welcome to Daily Scares. We are your hosts, Jeff and Sean Ryan. (Or Sean and Jeff Ryan, depending upon which one of us is posting.) Each day, Daily Scares will feature a different very short horror story in MP3 format. It's technically called micro fiction or flash fiction, but we often call them paragraphers because they're a complete story in one measly paragraph.
We've brainstormed for a few months on how to go froward with the site, because we're fully committed to this being daily. The RSS feed will be worth it: there will be a new recording up every day.
Each week will be on a different theme. We're starting out with a horror classic, vampires. Next week is ghosts. The stories are unrelated to each other, but hopefully their arrangement will feel like an album side when placed all in a row.
We write by ourselves, but our styles are very similar. I'll be posting blog entries in blue text, and Sean will be posting in green. We'll put up text versions of the stories as well.
Also, boo. Oogida-boogida-boogita. And I'd like to recommend looking behind you, for the odds of a crazed serial killer with a hook hand lurking there have elevated.
Today's leadoff story is Sneaking a Butt.
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